nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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