i already hear my dad disowning me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
birth control should be required to get into college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
