i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
