you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
