I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
