I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
