Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
