just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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