I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
