I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
