Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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