your thong is hanging out like whoa
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
