I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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