Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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