You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
