Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
