i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
