I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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