Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize