Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
