2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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