I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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