Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry about my life...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
