the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
