Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
