I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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