There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My vagina is very pro this idea
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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