y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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