btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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