ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
