so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize