I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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