everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
