P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All the doctor said was why
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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