My pussy is not your playground.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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