Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
