That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
