Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
