tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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