just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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