Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
