I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
