that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
