Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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