shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
