Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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