hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
