I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
