I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize