We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
