He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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