Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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