why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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