I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
