I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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