Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize