She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
