we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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