Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
