were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dicks are not precious.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
