4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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