Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize