you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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