burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
wow bdsm is so cute
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