we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
