I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In America we eat man semen.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize