just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
