Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
