Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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