how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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