Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
