What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
