That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
