I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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