Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
