If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
