Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
