piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
