Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
