She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
