Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
