this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
