I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
