He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
