a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
