Do you still have your period?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
